Fighting Depression and Anxiety: Taking Responsibility For Your Mood

As the economy tanks and our lives become increasingly stressful, it is easy to blame anxiety and depression on outside forces acting on you. It feels as though external events are controlling your mood. Even the weather seems to impact your anxious and depressed mood on a dreary day.

By giving control to outside forces three things happen:

1. You are released from responsibility for your mood.
2. You cannot be judged for your mood.
3. Your mood cannot be expected to change unless circumstances change.

The problem is that such beliefs create helplessness. Helplessness then leads to passivity. No battle is won when we believe that the outcome is out of our control. Even under overwhelming circumstance, we need to believe that we can affect the outcome.

By taking responsibility for your mood,

1. you improve your mood by using active problem solving, even when a solution is not easily had.
2. you build hope for a brighter future by believing your circumstance can change in the future.
3. you tell yourself that you are a warrior who will do all you can to survive any circumstance and come out a happier person.

Helplessness and hopelessness presume that the outcome is going to be negative. Remind yourself daily that no outcome is known until it arrives.

Depression and Anxiety: Where's the Cure?

When enter treatment for a medical condition, you want a cure. Same with depression or anxiety; you want your therapist to prescribe a cure. In most cases, you don't really care what the treatment is, you just want to know that there is an end to the pain.

While this thinking is common, it may actually be the wrong way to think about change. If you are 100 lbs. overweight, then it is unwise to consider how to lose 100 lbs. That is an overwhelming goal. Instead, you want to set smaller, more achievable goals. Instead of a goal of losing 100 lbs., it is better to choose a goal such as eating fewer carbs and increasing fruits and vegetables, taking a walk three times this week, etc. Why are these better goals than losing 100 lbs.?

Goals are better when they are achievable within a short period of time. Goals are achievable when they are in reasonably easy reach and you can measure whether you have met the goal. We measure progress toward goals when we have set specific enough goals and are accountable.

Back to mood disorders. When you think in terms of a cure, then the goal becomes vague and is difficult to measure. As an alternative use these guidelines to set goals:

1. Imagine being cured of your mood disorder. List ten changes that would be reflected in your behavior if you were not depressed or anxious.
2. Take one of those behaviors and think of five steps that could be taken toward behaving this way.
3. Rank the five steps from the easiest to the most difficult. If they are all too difficult, then think of a couple easier steps that can be taken (for instance, imagine changing your behavior in your mind rather than actually acting on it).
4. Now take a step today. Goal-setting should not be an exercise in fantasy, it should translate into action. Take that action today.

A psychologist, B.F. Skinner managed to teach pigeons to play ping pong (click here if you don't believe me). How did he accomplish this? By breaking down this goal into small bits of behavior. If it works for pigeons, it will work for you!

The Magic of Talking Therapy

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Psychotherapy is a difficult sell. As a therapist, I am asking my clients to pay for talking to me. When they leave, they leave empty-handed - no prescription, no gifts, no immediate change in their looks or behavior. For many, I am asking them to believe in magic.

I believe in the magic of talking therapy! I know from personal experience and the results of my work that lives are changed as a result of talking to a therapist. But what is the magic source of this change? Here are some examples:

1. When someone listens to you they are saying, "You are worth my time, my attention, and my caring". It is an expression of your worth for someone to listen to you. As a therapist, I listen to the words and search for the meaning sometimes hidden beneath the words. But just as important, I am telling my client, "You have worth."
2. Feelings expressed are more easily managed. There is magic in sharing one's feelings. We all have fears, insecurities, and self-doubts that dwell within us. These feelings can weaken us as tensions and anxieties grow. When we share these feelings, we find that these feelings simply make us human.
   
3. I suspect that most of my clients expect me to offer them nuggets of wisdom that will change their lives. Yet, one magical aspect of therapy is that it acts like a mirror. Talking to someone who accepts you allows you to change your focus off trying to please the therapist and, in the process, leads you to listen to yourself. Listening to yourself talk about yourself is magical. A brief glance in the mirror typically reveals little, but a longer gaze reveals more. The magic of the mirror is that it can reveal the beauty in the eyes even when there are wrinkles around the eyes.

The magic of psychotherapy only reveals itself over time. For some, the relationship builds quickly, but for others it takes many weeks before the relationship gains the special qualities that create magical outcomes.