Feel Better By Struggling Less?

Some recent research I have read suggests that the more we struggle with our mood, the worse it gets. When research subjects who have a negative self-image receive positive feedback, their assessment of themselves actually worsened. It is as though the positive feedback just highlights their shortcomings rather than changing their assessment of themselves.

However, decades of research has demonstrated that those who suffer from anxiety and depression can improve their mood if they reduce their negative thoughts about themselves, the past and the future. So, how do you react to these seemingly contradictory results? Do you continue to make an effort to change your negative self-statements or do you make an effort to accept your pain?

Perhaps one compromise lies in the need for an individualized approach to coping with a mood disorder. We know that simple, one-size-fits-all approaches have limitations that can be improved on by taking into account the characteristics of the individual.

One individual can hear a "power of positive thinking" message and be uplifted while another can find the message to be superficial and of no help. Change occurs from within. I find that many of my clients are helped by surprising sources - a simple act of kindness, finding they are not alone in their suffering, or the expression of love from a friend or family member can have a profound effect on one's thinking...and one's mood.

When you accept another's caring, you are allowing yourself to be valued, ("I am worth caring about"). This then affects your self-worth and changes how you think about yourself. "If I'm worth someone caring for me, then I will refuse to put myself down."

Simply sharing your pain by talking to family, friends, or a therapist can help change your perspective. What seems overwhelming and unmanageable suddenly seems less overwhelming and more manageable with the calming presence of someone willing to be by your side and listen to your pain. Their tolerance helps your ability to tolerate the pain.

There are many paths to an improved mood. If you are struggling and feeling hopeless, then you need to know that your pain is not signal that you are hopeless. Reach out and try a different path.