What Is Happiness?

For 42 years, the psychiatrist Dr. George Vaillant has been responsible for the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a study begun in 1937 as a study of healthy, well-adjusted Harvard sophomores (all male), it has followed its subjects for more than 70 years. He has valuable insight into what happiness means from a lifespan perspective.

In an Atlantic article on happiness, Dr. Vaillant suggests that happiness comes from self-acceptance, accepting that it takes years to accurately assess yourself, and that connection with others is paramount.

Is He Lazy or Depressed?

He lays around the house all day. He says he will do more to help, but fails to follow through. He complains a lot and seems to criticize everything and everyone, but himself. You understand that his job is a source of stress, but you question whether he is motivated to do a good job at work or unmotivated like he is at home?

Depression is not the same as laziness. Depression creates a lack of motivation but it is a general lack of motivation. When discussing depression, motivation is simply the act of doing something. The depressed individual does fewer and fewer activities. A severely depressed individual will struggle to even take a shower or other basic activities of daily living.

What we refer to as a lazy individual is actually someone motivated to avoid certain unpleasant tasks (such as mowing the lawn). The avoidance of the task is a reward because the task is unpleasant, the reward becomes the avoidance of the unpleasant task. Not all activities are avoided. The lazy individual can enjoy many activities and appears joyful while doing these pleasant activities.

For the depressed individual, the past, the world around them, and the future appears bleak with little hope for a brighter day. When the depressed individual looks at him or herself, they only see the failures of the past and anticipate failure in the future. Most important, they see themselves as the reason for the failure. When a success is highlighted, the depressed individual will attribute this to luck, but all failure is his or her responsibility.

The lazy person's negativity focuses the shortcomings of their environment. "If only things were different, then my life would be better." Being a victim of the environment, the lazy individual takes no personal responsibility for the outcome of their lives.

The depressed person withdraws from others. Relationships are stressful because the depressed individual feels unworthy of others' caring for them. Consequently, the depressed individual withdraws from previously enjoyable activities.

The lazy individual is interested in manipulating others' impression. He or she wants others' concern as he or she offers excuses for underachievement. Others' concern then allows the lazy individual to maintain self-worth without performing the undesirable behavior.

A depressed individual makes you want to be nurturing and soothing. The lazy individual causes others to feel frustrated and disappointed. Nurturing can help the depressed person and harm the lazy individual.