Feel Better By Struggling Less?

Some recent research I have read suggests that the more we struggle with our mood, the worse it gets. When research subjects who have a negative self-image receive positive feedback, their assessment of themselves actually worsened. It is as though the positive feedback just highlights their shortcomings rather than changing their assessment of themselves.

However, decades of research has demonstrated that those who suffer from anxiety and depression can improve their mood if they reduce their negative thoughts about themselves, the past and the future. So, how do you react to these seemingly contradictory results? Do you continue to make an effort to change your negative self-statements or do you make an effort to accept your pain?

Perhaps one compromise lies in the need for an individualized approach to coping with a mood disorder. We know that simple, one-size-fits-all approaches have limitations that can be improved on by taking into account the characteristics of the individual.

One individual can hear a "power of positive thinking" message and be uplifted while another can find the message to be superficial and of no help. Change occurs from within. I find that many of my clients are helped by surprising sources - a simple act of kindness, finding they are not alone in their suffering, or the expression of love from a friend or family member can have a profound effect on one's thinking...and one's mood.

When you accept another's caring, you are allowing yourself to be valued, ("I am worth caring about"). This then affects your self-worth and changes how you think about yourself. "If I'm worth someone caring for me, then I will refuse to put myself down."

Simply sharing your pain by talking to family, friends, or a therapist can help change your perspective. What seems overwhelming and unmanageable suddenly seems less overwhelming and more manageable with the calming presence of someone willing to be by your side and listen to your pain. Their tolerance helps your ability to tolerate the pain.

There are many paths to an improved mood. If you are struggling and feeling hopeless, then you need to know that your pain is not signal that you are hopeless. Reach out and try a different path.

You Can't Buy Happiness

Image by crazyluca69 via Flickr

If you were offered $300 worth of therapy or $40,000 cash, which would make you happier? I know, you are saying give me the cash and I'll get back with you on that question. Recent findings suggest that therapy may be the better path.

Researchers in Europe compared large numbers of people for changes in happiness. They compared those who sought therapy during a 4-month period with those whose income increased during the same period. Results suggested that it would take an increase of more that $40,000 to match the improvement in happiness that $300 worth of therapy achieved.

How can that be? What makes therapy such an effective path to happiness? Money changes external circumstances - you can get more stuff, but therapy changes you. External changes are easily absorbed into our lives and are quickly taken for granted. A new purse or golf clubs provide a strong immediate boost to your mood, but such a boost in mood does not last.

Therapy can help you to accept responsibility for your mood. You learn to see how your behavior, your thinking, and your relationships affect your mood. This awareness provides you with the ability to find happiness in your daily life.

Are you waiting for external circumstances to change in order for you to find happiness? Are you waiting for Mr. Right, a promotion at work, or a vacation to alter your mood. Instead, try examining your pattern of thinking, your relationship patterns, and your behavior patterns as a source of happiness. Consider visiting a therapist as an avenue for self-examination and a path to happiness instead of treatment reserved just for those suffering from mental illness.

Is He Lazy or Depressed?

He lays around the house all day. He says he will do more to help, but fails to follow through. He complains a lot and seems to criticize everything and everyone, but himself. You understand that his job is a source of stress, but you question whether he is motivated to do a good job at work or unmotivated like he is at home?

Depression is not the same as laziness. Depression creates a lack of motivation but it is a general lack of motivation. When discussing depression, motivation is simply the act of doing something. The depressed individual does fewer and fewer activities. A severely depressed individual will struggle to even take a shower or other basic activities of daily living.

What we refer to as a lazy individual is actually someone motivated to avoid certain unpleasant tasks (such as mowing the lawn). The avoidance of the task is a reward because the task is unpleasant, the reward becomes the avoidance of the unpleasant task. Not all activities are avoided. The lazy individual can enjoy many activities and appears joyful while doing these pleasant activities.

For the depressed individual, the past, the world around them, and the future appears bleak with little hope for a brighter day. When the depressed individual looks at him or herself, they only see the failures of the past and anticipate failure in the future. Most important, they see themselves as the reason for the failure. When a success is highlighted, the depressed individual will attribute this to luck, but all failure is his or her responsibility.

The lazy person's negativity focuses the shortcomings of their environment. "If only things were different, then my life would be better." Being a victim of the environment, the lazy individual takes no personal responsibility for the outcome of their lives.

The depressed person withdraws from others. Relationships are stressful because the depressed individual feels unworthy of others' caring for them. Consequently, the depressed individual withdraws from previously enjoyable activities.

The lazy individual is interested in manipulating others' impression. He or she wants others' concern as he or she offers excuses for underachievement. Others' concern then allows the lazy individual to maintain self-worth without performing the undesirable behavior.

A depressed individual makes you want to be nurturing and soothing. The lazy individual causes others to feel frustrated and disappointed. Nurturing can help the depressed person and harm the lazy individual.

Former Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton Denies Addiction or Need for Power

After former Memphis Mayor Herenton suggested he may run in the interim election to replace himself, many media persons and citizens responded by questioning whether he was mentally stable. This prompted the former mayor to defend his mental stability (http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/aug/14/herenton-my-state-mind-real-good/).

In defending himself, the former mayor suggested he had changed his mind about resigning. He stated that he changed his mind because of decisions that he saw taking place at City Hall. He feared that these decisions would not be in the city’s best interest. Thus, the situation called for him to step back in to resume his role as mayor even as he was running for a congressional seat in Washington.

So why are so many focusing on whether his behavior is indicative of mental illness? Whenever behavior is otherwise inexplicable, it is common for folks to suggest that the answer to the behavior lies in mental illness. Psychologists view mental illness differently. Mental illness is seen as a pattern of behavior that is demonstrated consistently over time. Anxiety or depression interferes with the individual’s mood for months or even years. Drug and alcohol abuse or dependence is demonstrated by a pattern of behavior, not by the dire consequences of one night of substance abuse.

When former mayor Herenton suggested he did not have a need for power, he seemed to address whether he has a personality disorder. Most likely he is saying he does not have a narcissistic personality disorder. This is characterized by at least five of the following characteristics:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1.Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2.Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance,beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
3.Believes they are "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status
4.Requires excessive admiration
5.Has a sense of entitlement
6.Is interpersonally exploitative
7.Lacks empathy
8.Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9.Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

The question is not whether Dr. Herenton has shown these patterns in this situation, but whether he has shown this pattern over the course of his adulthood? To accuse him of mental illness based on behavior that you do not understand is disrespectful to all of those who suffer a lifetime of mental illness.

The Magic of Talking Therapy

Image via Wikipedia

Psychotherapy is a difficult sell. As a therapist, I am asking my clients to pay for talking to me. When they leave, they leave empty-handed - no prescription, no gifts, no immediate change in their looks or behavior. For many, I am asking them to believe in magic.

I believe in the magic of talking therapy! I know from personal experience and the results of my work that lives are changed as a result of talking to a therapist. But what is the magic source of this change? Here are some examples:

1. When someone listens to you they are saying, "You are worth my time, my attention, and my caring". It is an expression of your worth for someone to listen to you. As a therapist, I listen to the words and search for the meaning sometimes hidden beneath the words. But just as important, I am telling my client, "You have worth."
2. Feelings expressed are more easily managed. There is magic in sharing one's feelings. We all have fears, insecurities, and self-doubts that dwell within us. These feelings can weaken us as tensions and anxieties grow. When we share these feelings, we find that these feelings simply make us human.
   
3. I suspect that most of my clients expect me to offer them nuggets of wisdom that will change their lives. Yet, one magical aspect of therapy is that it acts like a mirror. Talking to someone who accepts you allows you to change your focus off trying to please the therapist and, in the process, leads you to listen to yourself. Listening to yourself talk about yourself is magical. A brief glance in the mirror typically reveals little, but a longer gaze reveals more. The magic of the mirror is that it can reveal the beauty in the eyes even when there are wrinkles around the eyes.

The magic of psychotherapy only reveals itself over time. For some, the relationship builds quickly, but for others it takes many weeks before the relationship gains the special qualities that create magical outcomes.

Antidepressants Got You Down?

I found this fascinating quote today:

"The chemical imbalance theory, which was formulated in the 1960s, was based on the observation that mood could be artificially altered with drugs, rather than direct observation of any chemical imbalances," Leo said. "Since then there has been no direct evidence to confirm the theory and a significant number of findings cast doubt on the theory."

The researchers said the popularity of the theory is in large part based on the presumed efficacy of the SSRIs, but they say that several large studies now cast doubt on this efficacy.

A review of a full set of trial data published in the journal PLoS (Public Library of Science) Medicine last month concluded that much of the perceived efficacy of several of the most common SSRIs was due to the placebo effect.

Other studies indicate that for every 10 people who take an SSRI, only one to two people are truly receiving benefit from the medication, according to Lacasse and Leo.

Still, the National Center for Health Statistics found that antidepressants are the most prescribed drugs in the United States, with doctors writing more than 31 million prescriptions in 2005.

Both Lacasse and Leo emphasized the importance of patients being given factual information so they can make informed decisions about medications and the role of other potentially useful interventions, such as psychotherapy, exercise or self-help strategies.

"Patients might make different choices about the use of medications and possibly use alternative approaches to their distress if they were fully informed," Lacasse said.

"We believe the media can play a positive role by ensuring that their mental health reporting is congruent with scientific literature."

Ψ Dare To Dream..., Mar 2009

You should read the whole article.

So Much To Do: I Want To Go To Bed

You look around and see others being so productive. They seem to go to work, keep an immaculate home, read the latest bestseller, and still have time to go to the gym three days a week. Yet, you are overwhelmed trying to get out of bed, take a shower and get to work.

You compare yourself to others and conclude that you fall short. You must do more to measure up to what is expected! You resolve to set goals to improve your performance. You resolve to change your diet, your exercise, your use of free time...the list goes on.

Perhaps for a day or two you find that you have a burst of energy and are making progress, but then the bubble bursts. You find yourself sitting unable to muster the energy to tackle your goals. Is the problem that you are inferior to others? No!

It is important to know that you can improve and meet goals, but you must also recognize that a mood disorder makes achieving these goals more difficult. You must set smaller, more easily achieved goals. You can still aim high, but must be careful to take small steps.

As you set goals, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my goal achievalble in a brief period of time?
2. Can I break this goal down into several more easily achievable goals?
3. Does this goal make an unreasonable demand on my time, energy, or skills?
4. Can I honestly predict a 75% chance of success for this goal?
5. Have I set a reasonable measure for success.
6. Can I tolerate falling short in my effort?
   

How Your Mood Effects Decision-making

My wife would frequently tell our daughters, "Make good decisions." Teenagers are prone to making decisions based on momentary feelings without considering future consequences of the decision.

Your mood can also interfere with making good decisions. Typically, we tend to be optimistic, believing that we are liked by others and that the future bodes well. Depression alters our tendency to be optimistic.

Depression leads to negative predictions about the future when you don't know the outcome. For instance, if someone asks you to go to a party, you may decide not to go because you believe that you won't enjoy it. In reality, you would have to go to the party to determine whether you would enjoy it, but your prediction causes you to remain at home.

Another example would be that you are invited to a party and you decide not to go because you believe that others would not like you or, worse, you would cause others at the party to become depressed if they were exposed to you.

Negative predictions can feel safe. By making a negative prediction, you are emotionally girding yourself against being disappointed. But the party example also demonstrates a risk. If you go to the party, you may find that you have a good time, you may connect with someone and become friends...magic can happen if we interact with others. By staying home you limit the risk of disappointment, but also limit your pleasure and an opportunity to improve your mood.

Going to a party is only one, perhaps minor example of how decision-making can change when you are depressed or anxious. To check your decision-making, ask yourself the following:

• Are my beliefs about this situation supported by facts or simply represent my feelings.
• Am I able to make a prediction about a future event based on the information available to me?
• Am I making assumptions about others' thoughts about me without knowing what they are thinking?
• Am I limiting the possible outcomes this situation could produce?
• Am I accurately assessing my ability to tolerate a negative outcome?

Our lives will be more pleasurable if we take risks, connect with others and move forward toward goals for self-improvement. Don't let negative predictions diminish you future.