What Is Happiness?

For 42 years, the psychiatrist Dr. George Vaillant has been responsible for the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a study begun in 1937 as a study of healthy, well-adjusted Harvard sophomores (all male), it has followed its subjects for more than 70 years. He has valuable insight into what happiness means from a lifespan perspective.

In an Atlantic article on happiness, Dr. Vaillant suggests that happiness comes from self-acceptance, accepting that it takes years to accurately assess yourself, and that connection with others is paramount.

Combating Negative Predictions for Your Future

You sit for hours knowing that you should be accomplishing something - anything. But the energy and motivation have evaporated from your life. You compare yourself with others who seem to accomplish so much. Worse yet, you compare yourself to the person you once were. You recall past accomplishments and wonder if you will ever again be that person.

A depressed mood easily triggers negative thoughts and pessimistic expectations for the future. In the past if you had a bad day, you would say, "Well, tomorrow will be better." Now you say, "Will this be a never-ending pattern to my life; will I never accomplish anything of value again?"

Such questions are typical of someone with a mood disorder (or anybody experiencing daily pain). Nobody can predict the future. If you ask me whether I want to accomplish something tomorrow, I'll say "yes" but if you ask me whether I know I will accomplish something tomorrow, I'll have to admit that I don't.

Still we do predict the future. We believe that the the best predictor of the future is the past. But how good a predictor is the past? How many things have happened in your life would you not have predicted? How many times have you been pleasantly surprised or bitterly disappointed by an outcome?

Negative predictions about the future based on the past are toxic to your mood. It is bad enough to feel so much pain today, but it is a hundred times worse to believe that the pain will never end. Remind yourself daily that you can affect your mood, that your mood can improve. Monitor your mood three times a day, rating your mood from 0 to 100. Notice that your mood does change and where there is change there is room for improvement.

Protecting Your Self-Worth

It hurts to be attacked. Words of judgment and condemnation undermine your self- worth. Some are more sensitive to judgment than other. Some need to be more sensitive to feedback from others, but others are overly sensitive to other’s judgment. It is as though they have an antenna that detects disapproval from the slightest gesture, comment or lack of attention.

Giving others permission to define your worth can be damaging to your mood. Learn to hold on lightly to other’s judgment while holding on strongly to your worth. If you made a list of your strength and weaknesses, which would be longer? Make an effort to focus on your strengths on a daily basis to reinforce your self-worth.

When others say hurtful things to you, recognize that they may be reacting to other events in their lives rather than giving you accurate feedback. It may help to examine hurtful interactions and try to imagine all of the factors which could contribute to what you believed the other individual was saying about you. This exercise will help to avoid personalizing other’s neutral gestures as feedback to you.

Fighting Depression and Anxiety: Taking Responsibility For Your Mood

As the economy tanks and our lives become increasingly stressful, it is easy to blame anxiety and depression on outside forces acting on you. It feels as though external events are controlling your mood. Even the weather seems to impact your anxious and depressed mood on a dreary day.

By giving control to outside forces three things happen:

1. You are released from responsibility for your mood.
2. You cannot be judged for your mood.
3. Your mood cannot be expected to change unless circumstances change.

The problem is that such beliefs create helplessness. Helplessness then leads to passivity. No battle is won when we believe that the outcome is out of our control. Even under overwhelming circumstance, we need to believe that we can affect the outcome.

By taking responsibility for your mood,

1. you improve your mood by using active problem solving, even when a solution is not easily had.
2. you build hope for a brighter future by believing your circumstance can change in the future.
3. you tell yourself that you are a warrior who will do all you can to survive any circumstance and come out a happier person.

Helplessness and hopelessness presume that the outcome is going to be negative. Remind yourself daily that no outcome is known until it arrives.

So Much To Do: I Want To Go To Bed

You look around and see others being so productive. They seem to go to work, keep an immaculate home, read the latest bestseller, and still have time to go to the gym three days a week. Yet, you are overwhelmed trying to get out of bed, take a shower and get to work.

You compare yourself to others and conclude that you fall short. You must do more to measure up to what is expected! You resolve to set goals to improve your performance. You resolve to change your diet, your exercise, your use of free time...the list goes on.

Perhaps for a day or two you find that you have a burst of energy and are making progress, but then the bubble bursts. You find yourself sitting unable to muster the energy to tackle your goals. Is the problem that you are inferior to others? No!

It is important to know that you can improve and meet goals, but you must also recognize that a mood disorder makes achieving these goals more difficult. You must set smaller, more easily achieved goals. You can still aim high, but must be careful to take small steps.

As you set goals, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my goal achievalble in a brief period of time?
2. Can I break this goal down into several more easily achievable goals?
3. Does this goal make an unreasonable demand on my time, energy, or skills?
4. Can I honestly predict a 75% chance of success for this goal?
5. Have I set a reasonable measure for success.
6. Can I tolerate falling short in my effort?
   

Things not the Source of Happiness

Happiness Study: Imagine No Possessions

United Press International 2009-02-09

Using money to achieve life experiences -- like eating out -- rather than material possessions leads to greater happiness, U.S. researchers found.

Ryan Howell of San Francisco State University said the study demonstrates experiential purchases result in increased well-being because they satisfy higher order needs, specifically the need for social connectedness and vitality -- a feeling of being alive. "Purchased experiences provide memory capital -- we don't tend to get bored of happy memories like we do with a material object."

Howell said study participants were asked to write reflections and answer questions about their recent purchases. Participants indicated that experiential purchases represented money better spent and greater happiness for both themselves and others.

The results also indicate that experiences produce more happiness regardless of the amount spent or the income of the consumer, Howell said.

The findings were presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual meeting in Tampa, Fla.

This study reminds us that we can foster happiness through a variety of experiences that do not require financial expense. Think of some activities that you could do that might benefit your mood.