Is He Stuck Up or Shy?

If you want the attention of everyone, then you may be stuck up. If you feel that everyone is looking at you and judging you negatively, then you are probably shy.

Shy folks are extremely sensitive to others' opinions. They tend to assume others are judging them and that the judgment is negative. To overcome shyness you must come to realize that while some people are interested in you, most are not.

For example, Jane walks into a party and feels that a spotlight has been focused on her. She becomes so self-conscious that she is unable to enjoy the social opportunities of the party and soon wants to leave. Other party-goers assume she doesn't like their company.

If you think you are perfect, you are probably stuck up. If you feel imperfect, you are probably shy.

You are clearly exaggerating your worth when you are only able to see your strengths and avoid looking at your weaknesses. On the other hand, shy folks are excruciatingly aware of their faults and believe that these faults stand out like a sore thumb. Shyness causes the individual to examine themselves while they interact with others. It is as though they are sitting on a perch above each interaction to catch any mistakes. Each word, gesture, and reaction is assessed with a critical eye.

For instance, Sam is talking to a coworker. He finds it difficult to maintain concentration because he is also telling himself that he sounds like an idiot and that his coworker knows that he doesn't really know what he is talking about.

If you can't imaging being rejected by anyone then you are probably stuck up. If you feel that rejection is a sign of your unworthiness, then you are likely a shy person.

Shy folks are extremely sensitive to any sign of rejection. They desire unconditional acceptance and experience normal disagreements, differences of opinion, or even disagreeable facial expressions as a sign of rejection. Distraction or intrusion by another person in a conversation can also be viewed as a sign of rejection.

Sally is talking with Bill. Bill's attention is caught by something happening on the television screen. Sally says to herself, "I can see he's not interested in talking to me." She replies to Bill, "I'll talk to you later" and walks away, leaving Bill confused as to why she walked away so abruptly.

As you can see by the examples, overcoming shyness requires you to examine how you think about yourself in social situations. Shyness is a painful way to interact (or avoid interacting) with others. However, it is not a permanent condition. Many formerly shy folks have learned to enjoy interacting with others by recognizing that they are not the center of attention and that it is okay to make social mistakes or lose others' attention.

Stuck up people rarely try to change, but you can see that they also need to change their false perceptions.