Memphis Blues

It’s No Big Deal: How We Choose What Worries Us

2010-08-16T14:06:00.001-05:00

What is more likely to harm you McDonalds or Al-Qaida? Are you more likely to die in an airplane crash or from smoking cigarettes? Are your children more likely to die from a gun or a swimming pool?

We sort of understand that McDonalds, cigarettes and swimming pools kill more folks, yet we worry more about Al-Qaida, airplane flights, and guns. Why is this?

Our brains are unable to sort out dangers based strictly on probability. Instead, we weigh out dangers based on perception. We even refer to dangers in terms of size – it is a “big” danger. What makes a danger big?

We tend to dangers that stand out from others. McDonalds’ high-fat foods do not stand out in the environment as a source of danger in your neighborhood even though the foods they serve contribute to ours’ and our children’s health obesity-related disease. Al-Qaida stands out as a unique danger, even though they are a small group of radicals unlikely to attack your workplace we, as a nation, spend many, many billions to protect ourselves from them.

Children killed by guns or a plane crash make news while drowning or cancer are less likely to make the evening news. Certain events are large because they are so dramatic. Who can forget the drama of the twin towers burning but an equal number killed in health-related disease is almost dismissed by the general public. But the dramatic impact is not necessarily associated with their danger.

In our personal lives, we need to realize that much of the danger in our lives comes through our daily behavior not from the sources that the media trumpet.

Predicting Happiness Is Like Predicting the Weather

2010-06-20T17:09:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed that weather predictions are better when they are predicting what the weather will be tomorrow than what the weather will be ten days from now, much less what it will be six months from now. We are like that in predicting what will make us happy.

We can better predict what will bring us joy today than what will bring joy six months from now. Yet, we behave as though we are accurate predictors of future happiness. “I sure will be happy when this project is over.” “If I won that lottery, I’d be happy for the rest of my life.” “If only he would quit drinking, we would be able to be happy.”

You can pretty much tell how you will feel today if you buy that expensive purse or new golf club. But you will have a much more difficult time predicting the effect of those purchases six months from now. In fact you are likely to be wrong in your prediction. Studies have shown that we expect purchases to bring more happiness than they actually do. For that matter, we have exaggerated expectations for many things to bring us happiness. One problem is that we are attempting to project too far into the future.

“If I get that promotion my life will be happier.” “I’ll be happy if I can get Bob to marry me.” “Children will make us happier.” In each example, the individual is making a prediction that goes far into the future. Each person’s life could be happier as a result of that promotion, marriage or children, but there are many other variables that will contribute to whether their prediction is accurate. Not only can promotions create tension with coworkers, marriage create tension when expectations are unmet, and children can simply be a pain (remember what sleep deprivation feels like?), but other factors such as health concerns, unexpected financial emergencies, or a myriad of life events can impact one’s joy.

Since I was a young child, I have been encouraged to make decisions based on what will lead to greater happiness in the future. I taught my children the same lessons. But making good grades, following the rules, and choosing your friends wisely do not guarantee future happiness. In fact, concern about the future can actually undermine your ability to enjoy today by leaving you anxious in your inability to control the future.

As criminals in jail, teenage mothers, and high school dropouts will tell you, bad decisions can lead to unhappiness, but avoiding bad decisions does not bring happiness. Instead of focusing on the distant future for your happiness, take time each day to find a source of happiness that day can bring.

Perhaps you will find happiness in chatting with a friend, appreciating nature, or performing an simple act of kindness. As you focus on each day’s sources of happiness, you will find that you are better at detaching from the worries of an unpredictable tomorrow.

Why Are Older People Happier?

2010-06-08T12:24:00.001-05:00

The New York Times recently published an article on the relationship between aging and well-being. It seems that our happiness declines from age 18 until age 50, when happiness increases. So what if you are way under 40? Do you have to suffer until you get older, or can you gain something from this finding that may contribute to your present-day happiness?

What is different about being fifty? One thing that we know for sure is that health concerns become greater as we age. So health problems evidently do not undermine one’s ability to be content. Typically, children are launched by age 50 (hopefully) and career advancement has leveled off. So the absence of children and career advancement do not undercut our ability to enjoy life.

About 60% of all divorces happen in the first ten years of the marriage (so the Gore marriage is an exception to the rule). Thus, those over 50 probably have settled into a committed relationship or recognize that they will be single for the rest of their life (women who desire marriage but have not prospects, as an example) and choose to spend time nourishing family and friendships.

Those over fifty have also discovered that they have not accurately predicted what will make them happy. Many were raised with the belief that accumulation of things will bring happiness. They strove for higher wages, which took longer work hours and yet they found that the higher wages did not buy happiness. After fifty, they find that a simpler life built around relationships and experiences bring more happiness than accumulating more stuff. Fifty brings the desire to downsize, not accumulate.

Even if you are not fifty, you can profit from the lessons of those who are. Balance your career strivings, your desire for that new boat, or your belief that you will be happier if you get that tummy tuck with the knowledge that lasting happiness is generated in relationships. Commit to your marriage, your friends and to creating memorable experiences with them.

Doing Good and Feeling Better

2010-05-16T20:56:00.001-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

Perhaps you are like me and when you think of doing good you think of making a huge sacrifice of time to a worthy project that you really don't want to do. The many folks that have participated in these projects typically say they are happy they participated because they "received more than they gave." However, there are many more of us who choose not to invest so heavily and fail to reap the rewards of doing good.

While I have done some charitable activities in my lifetime, I have spent far more time not participating. Lately I have been interested in how we can do good without making a huge sacrifice of time and effort, yet still reap the benefit of feeling good about doing good. By lowering the bar on what I consider "doing good," I am able to make daily efforts rather than making one huge sacrifice.

What do I mean by making daily efforts. Think of what you would do to improve the world. Would you feed the hungry, help children, or bring others to a greater awareness of God? Whatever your answer, consider one activity you could do tomorrow that would contribute to your definition of a better world.

The environmental movement provides a good example. Instead of asking you to make big sacrifices to save the planet, the movement suggests that you make small changes such as the type of light bulb you purchase, the use of reusable shopping sacks, or wasting less water. These activities do not singlehandedly save the planet, but you can feel you are doing good. The wisdom of this movement is that if every one of us makes a small effort the impact on the earth can be tremendous.

You may not be inclined to environmental causes but toward others, yet you can find similar small efforts that can reap big rewards if done by many. For instance, the coffee and chocolate industry is planning to reduce cocoa and coffee beans produced by child slave labor in West Africa over the next four years. Imagine the impact, if Americans suddenly decided to refuse to purchase coffee or chocolate that was produced in these African nations. I doubt that it would take four years to end the practice of child slave labor. You can begin by choosing to purchase products by companies that are socially responsible. Your dollars spent can be a vote for doing good and you spend your dollars daily.

Doing good can have a great impact on your mood. You feel good about your actions, but you also feel better about yourself as someone willing to do good. As you feel better about yourself, your self-worth improves. You get the picture, small steps lead to an improved mood. Start today, start doing good!

Feel Better By Struggling Less?

2010-04-06T22:27:00.003-05:00

Some recent research I have read suggests that the more we struggle with our mood, the worse it gets. When research subjects who have a negative self-image receive positive feedback, their assessment of themselves actually worsened. It is as though the positive feedback just highlights their shortcomings rather than changing their assessment of themselves.

However, decades of research has demonstrated that those who suffer from anxiety and depression can improve their mood if they reduce their negative thoughts about themselves, the past and the future. So, how do you react to these seemingly contradictory results? Do you continue to make an effort to change your negative self-statements or do you make an effort to accept your pain?

Perhaps one compromise lies in the need for an individualized approach to coping with a mood disorder. We know that simple, one-size-fits-all approaches have limitations that can be improved on by taking into account the characteristics of the individual.

One individual can hear a "power of positive thinking" message and be uplifted while another can find the message to be superficial and of no help. Change occurs from within. I find that many of my clients are helped by surprising sources - a simple act of kindness, finding they are not alone in their suffering, or the expression of love from a friend or family member can have a profound effect on one's thinking...and one's mood.

When you accept another's caring, you are allowing yourself to be valued, ("I am worth caring about"). This then affects your self-worth and changes how you think about yourself. "If I'm worth someone caring for me, then I will refuse to put myself down."

Simply sharing your pain by talking to family, friends, or a therapist can help change your perspective. What seems overwhelming and unmanageable suddenly seems less overwhelming and more manageable with the calming presence of someone willing to be by your side and listen to your pain. Their tolerance helps your ability to tolerate the pain.

There are many paths to an improved mood. If you are struggling and feeling hopeless, then you need to know that your pain is not signal that you are hopeless. Reach out and try a different path.

Combating Negative Self-worth

2010-03-11T11:31:00.009-06:00

When you hear something you don't believe, what happens? Do you consider that the statement may be true or do you adhere more strongly to your original belief? Chances are that you simply adhere to your original belief and search out supporting evidence for that belief.

So why is that important for those suffering from a mood disorder?

What happens if you are down on yourself, let's say your appearance and someone tells you how nice you look. Are you likely to change your self-appraisal? Will you say, "Maybe I do look nice." Perhaps, but the lower your self-esteem, the more likely you are to brush off the compliment and stick with your original belief that you do not look nice.

Now think about how you view your personal worth. When others suggest they value you, do you accept this or reject the belief. Do you allow your negative thoughts about yourself to be challenged or do you simply look for more evidence that supports negative thoughts about yourself?

Finally, how is your mood affected by hearing compliments? Do you accept the compliment and feel better about yourself? Or do you reject the compliment and remind yourself of why you do not deserve such a positive comment?

Can you see how you can get into a pattern of negative thoughts about yourself which digs an ever deeper hole of poor self-esteem. To dig out of this dark hole, you must allow yourself you see positive qualities as reflected in what others say about you. Accept the truth in compliments. Start to give yourself compliments!

New Year's Resolutions Down the Drain?

2010-02-11T11:38:00.004-06:00

Image by chrisjfry via Flickr

I like New Years because it is a time of renewal. The new year can be anything that you can imagine. Of course, you imagine yourself becoming a better person in the new year, so you set goals for how you want the new year to be different from the past.

Unfortunately, those goals can easily fall away because you fail to maintain them on a consistent basis. Let's say you decide to lose weight. You did well for a few weeks, then you lose focus on changing your eating and exercise routine. Finally, you tell yourself, "I'm hopeless, I can never maintain the discipline it takes to meet my goals."

Now think about anything you have accomplished in the past. Did you accomplish this through one effort or through many smaller efforts? Most goals require repeated efforts, not one. Ask someone who has successfully quit smoking, "How many times did you try before you were successful?" You will find that the majority of those respondents tried many times before achieving their nonsmoker status.

Have you already given up on your goals for self-improvement? Has your vision for a better year already faded? Consider making another effort and commit to keep trying even if you falter along the way. In December you may find that you have improved.

You Can't Buy Happiness

2009-11-21T15:09:00.003-06:00

Image by crazyluca69 via Flickr

If you were offered $300 worth of therapy or $40,000 cash, which would make you happier? I know, you are saying give me the cash and I'll get back with you on that question. Recent findings suggest that therapy may be the better path.

Researchers in Europe compared large numbers of people for changes in happiness. They compared those who sought therapy during a 4-month period with those whose income increased during the same period. Results suggested that it would take an increase of more that $40,000 to match the improvement in happiness that $300 worth of therapy achieved.

How can that be? What makes therapy such an effective path to happiness? Money changes external circumstances - you can get more stuff, but therapy changes you. External changes are easily absorbed into our lives and are quickly taken for granted. A new purse or golf clubs provide a strong immediate boost to your mood, but such a boost in mood does not last.

Therapy can help you to accept responsibility for your mood. You learn to see how your behavior, your thinking, and your relationships affect your mood. This awareness provides you with the ability to find happiness in your daily life.

Are you waiting for external circumstances to change in order for you to find happiness? Are you waiting for Mr. Right, a promotion at work, or a vacation to alter your mood. Instead, try examining your pattern of thinking, your relationship patterns, and your behavior patterns as a source of happiness. Consider visiting a therapist as an avenue for self-examination and a path to happiness instead of treatment reserved just for those suffering from mental illness.

Is He Stuck Up or Shy?

2009-10-30T22:23:00.003-05:00

If you want the attention of everyone, then you may be stuck up. If you feel that everyone is looking at you and judging you negatively, then you are probably shy.

Shy folks are extremely sensitive to others' opinions. They tend to assume others are judging them and that the judgment is negative. To overcome shyness you must come to realize that while some people are interested in you, most are not.

For example, Jane walks into a party and feels that a spotlight has been focused on her. She becomes so self-conscious that she is unable to enjoy the social opportunities of the party and soon wants to leave. Other party-goers assume she doesn't like their company.

If you think you are perfect, you are probably stuck up. If you feel imperfect, you are probably shy.

You are clearly exaggerating your worth when you are only able to see your strengths and avoid looking at your weaknesses. On the other hand, shy folks are excruciatingly aware of their faults and believe that these faults stand out like a sore thumb. Shyness causes the individual to examine themselves while they interact with others. It is as though they are sitting on a perch above each interaction to catch any mistakes. Each word, gesture, and reaction is assessed with a critical eye.

For instance, Sam is talking to a coworker. He finds it difficult to maintain concentration because he is also telling himself that he sounds like an idiot and that his coworker knows that he doesn't really know what he is talking about.

If you can't imaging being rejected by anyone then you are probably stuck up. If you feel that rejection is a sign of your unworthiness, then you are likely a shy person.

Shy folks are extremely sensitive to any sign of rejection. They desire unconditional acceptance and experience normal disagreements, differences of opinion, or even disagreeable facial expressions as a sign of rejection. Distraction or intrusion by another person in a conversation can also be viewed as a sign of rejection.

Sally is talking with Bill. Bill's attention is caught by something happening on the television screen. Sally says to herself, "I can see he's not interested in talking to me." She replies to Bill, "I'll talk to you later" and walks away, leaving Bill confused as to why she walked away so abruptly.

As you can see by the examples, overcoming shyness requires you to examine how you think about yourself in social situations. Shyness is a painful way to interact (or avoid interacting) with others. However, it is not a permanent condition. Many formerly shy folks have learned to enjoy interacting with others by recognizing that they are not the center of attention and that it is okay to make social mistakes or lose others' attention.

Stuck up people rarely try to change, but you can see that they also need to change their false perceptions.

Is She a Bitch or Bipolar

2009-10-07T09:22:00.003-05:00

The public's awareness of bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depressive disorder) has grown considerably in the past ten years. It was once considered a rare disorder but is now diagnosed with increasing frequency. Along with increased awareness of the disorder has come misunderstanding.

I have found that quickness to anger is often seen as a sign of bipolar disorder. When someone is frequently irritable they are suspected of having bipolar disorder. Couples that have frequent fights often claim that their partner has bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder is not best characterized by anger although irritability can be an important symptom. Bipolar disorder is best characterized by mood swings. The mood may change rapidly or gradually. This change in mood can occur over just a few hours or over months.

On the "high" end, the individual has an elevated mood. His or her mood tends to be euphoric. He or she has unusual amounts of energy, impulsiveness, less need for sleep, is easily distracted, and has an inflated self-esteem. The person's euphoric mood is not just happy but can be dangerously unrealistic.

On the "low" end, the individual suffers from a depressed mood. Activity slows, sleep becomes a source of escape, concentrating takes greater effort, and self-esteem tanks. When down, individual will view themselves, the world, and others in a negative light.

Irritability occurs in bipolar disorder when the individual is euphoric or depressed. The euphoric individual becomes frustrated when others impede with their goals, schemes, or "cleaver" ideas. Other's effort to protect the euphoric person from harm is viewed as an irritant, not as help.

Irritability also accompanies the down side. Depression leads the individual to see everything negatively, which leads others to urge the person to be more positive, more active, and be more social. Irritability serves to push others away and removes help that is viewed as making an overwhelming demand.

Now when a husband claims his wife is bipolar, typically he is not describing this pattern of mood swings. Rather, he is saying, "She seems to get mad for no reason" or "She just can't let go of hurts that I have inflicted." Note that the irritability has an interpersonal context that the spouse is denying. Often, such anger can be soothed when the individual is offered the opportunity to share their feelings and know they are cared for. Lack of attention and caring leads to an escalation of anger and name calling.

What Is Happiness?

2009-09-09T23:05:00.010-05:00

For 42 years, the psychiatrist Dr. George Vaillant has been responsible for the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a study begun in 1937 as a study of healthy, well-adjusted Harvard sophomores (all male), it has followed its subjects for more than 70 years. He has valuable insight into what happiness means from a lifespan perspective.

In an Atlantic article on happiness, Dr. Vaillant suggests that happiness comes from self-acceptance, accepting that it takes years to accurately assess yourself, and that connection with others is paramount.

Is He Lazy or Depressed?

2009-09-01T15:02:00.003-05:00

He lays around the house all day. He says he will do more to help, but fails to follow through. He complains a lot and seems to criticize everything and everyone, but himself. You understand that his job is a source of stress, but you question whether he is motivated to do a good job at work or unmotivated like he is at home?

Depression is not the same as laziness. Depression creates a lack of motivation but it is a general lack of motivation. When discussing depression, motivation is simply the act of doing something. The depressed individual does fewer and fewer activities. A severely depressed individual will struggle to even take a shower or other basic activities of daily living.

What we refer to as a lazy individual is actually someone motivated to avoid certain unpleasant tasks (such as mowing the lawn). The avoidance of the task is a reward because the task is unpleasant, the reward becomes the avoidance of the unpleasant task. Not all activities are avoided. The lazy individual can enjoy many activities and appears joyful while doing these pleasant activities.

For the depressed individual, the past, the world around them, and the future appears bleak with little hope for a brighter day. When the depressed individual looks at him or herself, they only see the failures of the past and anticipate failure in the future. Most important, they see themselves as the reason for the failure. When a success is highlighted, the depressed individual will attribute this to luck, but all failure is his or her responsibility.

The lazy person's negativity focuses the shortcomings of their environment. "If only things were different, then my life would be better." Being a victim of the environment, the lazy individual takes no personal responsibility for the outcome of their lives.

The depressed person withdraws from others. Relationships are stressful because the depressed individual feels unworthy of others' caring for them. Consequently, the depressed individual withdraws from previously enjoyable activities.

The lazy individual is interested in manipulating others' impression. He or she wants others' concern as he or she offers excuses for underachievement. Others' concern then allows the lazy individual to maintain self-worth without performing the undesirable behavior.

A depressed individual makes you want to be nurturing and soothing. The lazy individual causes others to feel frustrated and disappointed. Nurturing can help the depressed person and harm the lazy individual.

Former Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton Denies Addiction or Need for Power

2009-08-17T08:14:00.007-05:00

After former Memphis Mayor Herenton suggested he may run in the interim election to replace himself, many media persons and citizens responded by questioning whether he was mentally stable. This prompted the former mayor to defend his mental stability (http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/aug/14/herenton-my-state-mind-real-good/).

In defending himself, the former mayor suggested he had changed his mind about resigning. He stated that he changed his mind because of decisions that he saw taking place at City Hall. He feared that these decisions would not be in the city’s best interest. Thus, the situation called for him to step back in to resume his role as mayor even as he was running for a congressional seat in Washington.

So why are so many focusing on whether his behavior is indicative of mental illness? Whenever behavior is otherwise inexplicable, it is common for folks to suggest that the answer to the behavior lies in mental illness. Psychologists view mental illness differently. Mental illness is seen as a pattern of behavior that is demonstrated consistently over time. Anxiety or depression interferes with the individual’s mood for months or even years. Drug and alcohol abuse or dependence is demonstrated by a pattern of behavior, not by the dire consequences of one night of substance abuse.

When former mayor Herenton suggested he did not have a need for power, he seemed to address whether he has a personality disorder. Most likely he is saying he does not have a narcissistic personality disorder. This is characterized by at least five of the following characteristics:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1.Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2.Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance,beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
3.Believes they are "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status
4.Requires excessive admiration
5.Has a sense of entitlement
6.Is interpersonally exploitative
7.Lacks empathy
8.Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9.Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

The question is not whether Dr. Herenton has shown these patterns in this situation, but whether he has shown this pattern over the course of his adulthood? To accuse him of mental illness based on behavior that you do not understand is disrespectful to all of those who suffer a lifetime of mental illness.

Combating Negative Predictions for Your Future

2009-08-05T15:10:00.004-05:00

You sit for hours knowing that you should be accomplishing something - anything. But the energy and motivation have evaporated from your life. You compare yourself with others who seem to accomplish so much. Worse yet, you compare yourself to the person you once were. You recall past accomplishments and wonder if you will ever again be that person.

A depressed mood easily triggers negative thoughts and pessimistic expectations for the future. In the past if you had a bad day, you would say, "Well, tomorrow will be better." Now you say, "Will this be a never-ending pattern to my life; will I never accomplish anything of value again?"

Such questions are typical of someone with a mood disorder (or anybody experiencing daily pain). Nobody can predict the future. If you ask me whether I want to accomplish something tomorrow, I'll say "yes" but if you ask me whether I know I will accomplish something tomorrow, I'll have to admit that I don't.

Still we do predict the future. We believe that the the best predictor of the future is the past. But how good a predictor is the past? How many things have happened in your life would you not have predicted? How many times have you been pleasantly surprised or bitterly disappointed by an outcome?

Negative predictions about the future based on the past are toxic to your mood. It is bad enough to feel so much pain today, but it is a hundred times worse to believe that the pain will never end. Remind yourself daily that you can affect your mood, that your mood can improve. Monitor your mood three times a day, rating your mood from 0 to 100. Notice that your mood does change and where there is change there is room for improvement.

Why You Won't Stick to Your Diet

2009-07-14T11:05:00.001-05:00

Image by PetitPlat by sk_ via Flickr

Imagine your doctor tells you that your cholesterol level is too high and that you should never eat another donut. Will that donut become a smaller part of your life or will your desire grow as you feel deprived of the pleasure of the donut? I think you know the answer to this question – as you consider going for a donut.

In contrast, if you change your lifestyle and choose to eat more fruits and vegetables exercise and generally try to be healthy, then donuts lose their pull. Eating donuts becomes incompatible to your goals and eventually it becomes incompatible to who you are. Your image of yourself has changed and you rarely feel deprived of donuts.

You probably have a long list of behaviors you would like to change—a list that you have had for a long time. You wrestle with the behaviors, sometimes taming them only to see them raise their ugly heads once again. It is better to search for incompatible behaviors that you can build that will ultimately push out the behaviors you want to eliminate.

Instead of trying to stop being anxious, find ways of behaving courageously by looking for challenges you can manage. Instead of trying to stop being depressed, find ways to be more active, generous, or grateful. Instead of trying to change an important person in your life, change your approach to that person. Set goals that are easily achievable and don’t expect to always succeed! In fact, quit trying to always succeed – oh, that’s right, it’s hard to quit.

Imperfect You In An Imperfect World

2009-07-05T17:48:00.003-05:00

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Are you controlling? By controlling I mean, do you feel compelled to control the outcome of every situation. It is stressful for you to feel that the situation is out of your control? Is it difficult for you to wait in a long? Does it drive you crazy to wait for a table in a restaurant?

The need to control the environment news can reflect low frustration tolerance. Frustration tolerance is something that we learned as a child. Some children's parents do not give them sufficient frustration to learn how to manage such feelings. The tension that comes with frustration is something to be avoided thanks rather than something to be tolerated.

Do you find yourself becoming angry when presented with a frustrating situation? Do you blame others for frustration that is beyond anyone's control? If so, you must examine the messages you give yourself. For instance, do you tell yourself that the tension is unbearable? Examine that thought. Is the tension unbearable or simply unpleasant? By telling yourself that it is unbearable, you are lessening your ability to manage the tension.

Sometimes, the effort to control emerges in perfectionism. You struggle to allow yourself to make mistakes. You punish yourself errors in judgment. In this case, the frustration comes from not being perfect. You have not learned to tolerate your own imperfections. Some folks go to great lengths to avoid any appearance of imperfection.

Whether you are tolerating an imperfect environment or your own imperfections, you must be able to accept that imperfections are part of everyday life. When you do this, you will find that the tension becomes more manageable and your mood is lighter.

Protecting Your Self-Worth

2009-06-21T10:25:00.005-05:00

It hurts to be attacked. Words of judgment and condemnation undermine your self- worth. Some are more sensitive to judgment than other. Some need to be more sensitive to feedback from others, but others are overly sensitive to other’s judgment. It is as though they have an antenna that detects disapproval from the slightest gesture, comment or lack of attention.

Giving others permission to define your worth can be damaging to your mood. Learn to hold on lightly to other’s judgment while holding on strongly to your worth. If you made a list of your strength and weaknesses, which would be longer? Make an effort to focus on your strengths on a daily basis to reinforce your self-worth.

When others say hurtful things to you, recognize that they may be reacting to other events in their lives rather than giving you accurate feedback. It may help to examine hurtful interactions and try to imagine all of the factors which could contribute to what you believed the other individual was saying about you. This exercise will help to avoid personalizing other’s neutral gestures as feedback to you.

Three Steps to Reduce Worry

2009-06-14T10:59:00.002-05:00

What is worry. If worry is concern for the future, then that doesn't sound so bad. We should be concerned for our future. Worry is a focus on a negative outcome for the future. Worry carries with it the belief that the future will not only be bad, but it will be overwhelming. Worry can consume us.

To reduce worry, you must take control of your thoughts, not let them control you. Here are three steps to reduce catastrophic thinking that fuels worry:

Step One: Become aware of your tension level. Tension can provide you with a signal that you are worrying. Tension is your body's way of gearing up for a future battle.

Step Two: Ask yourself whether your thoughts are focused on the past, the present or the future. Worry focuses on the future. Worry questions, "What is coming next?" Some folks spend so much time worrying about the future that they fail to appreciate the present. The saying, "Stop and smell the roses" addresses this shortcoming.

Step Three: Allow your worry to lead you to the worst outcome. Now determine whether that outcome is actually overwhelming. Certainly, you can imagine many unfortunate outcomes, but is the outcome completely overwhelming? Sometimes it seems to be. We imagine certain illnesses or losses to be overwhelming. But the reality is that people live through those situations that we imagine to be overwhelming. Imagine yourself surviving this worse-case scenario.

You would think that imagining the worse-case scenario would simply fuel the worry, but the opposite happens. Confronting the darkest outcome helps you to put it in its proper perspective. Now you can ask yourself what the chance of this outcome happening is? You can see other possible outcomes that are less dark. You can begin to see yourself as a survivor of whatever the future holds in your life.

We're Number One- Depression

2009-06-08T22:53:00.003-05:00

Report Shows Tennessee Has Highest Depression Rate

A new federal government report shows Tennessee had the country’s highest rate of people with a major depressive episode in the past year.

The report, released Thursday, listed 9.8 percent of Tennesseans age 18 and older had such an occurrence. Hawaii had the lowest, 5.0 percent.

The report was developed by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration based on 2006 and 2007 surveys on drug use and health. The agency is within the Department of Health and Human Services.

Tennessee also ranked high in some other categories, including tobacco use and use of illicit drugs other than marijuana.

*From the Memphis News

Fighting Depression and Anxiety: Taking Responsibility For Your Mood

2009-05-27T10:33:00.003-05:00

As the economy tanks and our lives become increasingly stressful, it is easy to blame anxiety and depression on outside forces acting on you. It feels as though external events are controlling your mood. Even the weather seems to impact your anxious and depressed mood on a dreary day.

By giving control to outside forces three things happen:

You are released from responsibility for your mood.
You cannot be judged for your mood.
Your mood cannot be expected to change unless circumstances change.

The problem is that such beliefs create helplessness. Helplessness then leads to passivity. No battle is won when we believe that the outcome is out of our control. Even under overwhelming circumstance, we need to believe that we can affect the outcome.

By taking responsibility for your mood,

you improve your mood by using active problem solving, even when a solution is not easily had.
you build hope for a brighter future by believing your circumstance can change in the future.
you tell yourself that you are a warrior who will do all you can to survive any circumstance and come out a happier person.

Helplessness and hopelessness presume that the outcome is going to be negative. Remind yourself daily that no outcome is known until it arrives.

Depression and Anxiety: Where's the Cure?

2009-05-16T10:18:00.006-05:00

When enter treatment for a medical condition, you want a cure. Same with depression or anxiety; you want your therapist to prescribe a cure. In most cases, you don't really care what the treatment is, you just want to know that there is an end to the pain.

While this thinking is common, it may actually be the wrong way to think about change. If you are 100 lbs. overweight, then it is unwise to consider how to lose 100 lbs. That is an overwhelming goal. Instead, you want to set smaller, more achievable goals. Instead of a goal of losing 100 lbs., it is better to choose a goal such as eating fewer carbs and increasing fruits and vegetables, taking a walk three times this week, etc. Why are these better goals than losing 100 lbs.?

Goals are better when they are achievable within a short period of time. Goals are achievable when they are in reasonably easy reach and you can measure whether you have met the goal. We measure progress toward goals when we have set specific enough goals and are accountable.

Back to mood disorders. When you think in terms of a cure, then the goal becomes vague and is difficult to measure. As an alternative use these guidelines to set goals:

Imagine being cured of your mood disorder. List ten changes that would be reflected in your behavior if you were not depressed or anxious.
Take one of those behaviors and think of five steps that could be taken toward behaving this way.
Rank the five steps from the easiest to the most difficult. If they are all too difficult, then think of a couple easier steps that can be taken (for instance, imagine changing your behavior in your mind rather than actually acting on it).
Now take a step today. Goal-setting should not be an exercise in fantasy, it should translate into action. Take that action today.

A psychologist, B.F. Skinner managed to teach pigeons to play ping pong (click here if you don't believe me). How did he accomplish this? By breaking down this goal into small bits of behavior. If it works for pigeons, it will work for you!

The Magic of Talking Therapy

2009-04-26T13:58:00.005-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

Psychotherapy is a difficult sell. As a therapist, I am asking my clients to pay for talking to me. When they leave, they leave empty-handed - no prescription, no gifts, no immediate change in their looks or behavior. For many, I am asking them to believe in magic.

I believe in the magic of talking therapy! I know from personal experience and the results of my work that lives are changed as a result of talking to a therapist. But what is the magic source of this change? Here are some examples:

When someone listens to you they are saying, "You are worth my time, my attention, and my caring". It is an expression of your worth for someone to listen to you. As a therapist, I listen to the words and search for the meaning sometimes hidden beneath the words. But just as important, I am telling my client, "You have worth."
Feelings expressed are more easily managed. There is magic in sharing one's feelings. We all have fears, insecurities, and self-doubts that dwell within us. These feelings can weaken us as tensions and anxieties grow. When we share these feelings, we find that these feelings simply make us human.
I suspect that most of my clients expect me to offer them nuggets of wisdom that will change their lives. Yet, one magical aspect of therapy is that it acts like a mirror. Talking to someone who accepts you allows you to change your focus off trying to please the therapist and, in the process, leads you to listen to yourself. Listening to yourself talk about yourself is magical. A brief glance in the mirror typically reveals little, but a longer gaze reveals more. The magic of the mirror is that it can reveal the beauty in the eyes even when there are wrinkles around the eyes.

The magic of psychotherapy only reveals itself over time. For some, the relationship builds quickly, but for others it takes many weeks before the relationship gains the special qualities that create magical outcomes.

Antidepressants Got You Down?

2009-04-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

I found this fascinating quote today:

"The chemical imbalance theory, which was formulated in the 1960s, was based on the observation that mood could be artificially altered with drugs, rather than direct observation of any chemical imbalances," Leo said. "Since then there has been no direct evidence to confirm the theory and a significant number of findings cast doubt on the theory."

The researchers said the popularity of the theory is in large part based on the presumed efficacy of the SSRIs, but they say that several large studies now cast doubt on this efficacy.

A review of a full set of trial data published in the journal PLoS (Public Library of Science) Medicine last month concluded that much of the perceived efficacy of several of the most common SSRIs was due to the placebo effect.

Other studies indicate that for every 10 people who take an SSRI, only one to two people are truly receiving benefit from the medication, according to Lacasse and Leo.

Still, the National Center for Health Statistics found that antidepressants are the most prescribed drugs in the United States, with doctors writing more than 31 million prescriptions in 2005.

Both Lacasse and Leo emphasized the importance of patients being given factual information so they can make informed decisions about medications and the role of other potentially useful interventions, such as psychotherapy, exercise or self-help strategies.

"Patients might make different choices about the use of medications and possibly use alternative approaches to their distress if they were fully informed," Lacasse said.

"We believe the media can play a positive role by ensuring that their mental health reporting is congruent with scientific literature."

Ψ Dare To Dream..., Mar 2009

You should read the whole article.

So Much To Do: I Want To Go To Bed

2009-03-28T13:49:00.002-05:00

You look around and see others being so productive. They seem to go to work, keep an immaculate home, read the latest bestseller, and still have time to go to the gym three days a week. Yet, you are overwhelmed trying to get out of bed, take a shower and get to work.

You compare yourself to others and conclude that you fall short. You must do more to measure up to what is expected! You resolve to set goals to improve your performance. You resolve to change your diet, your exercise, your use of free time...the list goes on.

Perhaps for a day or two you find that you have a burst of energy and are making progress, but then the bubble bursts. You find yourself sitting unable to muster the energy to tackle your goals. Is the problem that you are inferior to others? No!

It is important to know that you can improve and meet goals, but you must also recognize that a mood disorder makes achieving these goals more difficult. You must set smaller, more easily achieved goals. You can still aim high, but must be careful to take small steps.

As you set goals, ask yourself these questions:

Is my goal achievalble in a brief period of time?
Can I break this goal down into several more easily achievable goals?
Does this goal make an unreasonable demand on my time, energy, or skills?
Can I honestly predict a 75% chance of success for this goal?
Have I set a reasonable measure for success.
Can I tolerate falling short in my effort?

What Makes Depressed Folks Different?

2009-03-20T12:43:00.005-05:00

Thursday, Mar 19 (Psych Centralhttp://psychcentral.com/news/2009/03/19/depressed-individuals-miss-out-on-good-things-in-life/4837.html) --

While depression is often linked to negative thoughts and emotions, a new study suggests the real problem may be a failure to appreciate positive experiences.

Researchers at Ohio State University found that depressed and nondepressed people were about equal in their ability to learn negative information that was presented to them.

But depressed people weren’t nearly as successful at learning positive information as were their non-depressed counterparts.

“Since depression is characterized by negative thinking, it is easy to assume that depressed people learn the negative lessons of life better than nondepressed people – but that’s not true,” said Laren Conklin, co-author of the study and a graduate student in psychology at Ohio State.

Drug Company Scandal

2009-03-02T10:17:00.003-06:00

It may not be as big a scandal as Madoff's ponzi scheme, but it has affected many more people and involves more money.

A recent journal article paper by Eric Turner and others in the New England Journal of Medicine titled "Selective Publication of Antidepressant Trials and Its Influence on Apparent Efficacy," showed that drug companies were inflating claims of efficacy by not publishing all the results of the studies done on antidepressant medications.

Instead of 94% of the studies demonstrating effectiveness for the drugs, the rate is closer to 51%. This means that the consumer's doctor is mislead to believe that the drugs he or she is prescribing are more effective than they actually are. The doctor, in turn, sets unrealistic expectations for the patient receiving the medication. When the patient fails to respond, then the patient feels hopeless because he or she has been led to expect that everyone else is benefiting from the medication.

Such disappointment can, in turn, lead to greater self-doubt, hopelessness and a loss of motivation to battle the depression. Madoff will be held accountable for his behavior and will likely spend time in jail. What is the consequence when drug companies inflate the efficacy of their medicine?

How Your Mood Effects Decision-making

2009-02-28T20:49:00.003-06:00

My wife would frequently tell our daughters, "Make good decisions." Teenagers are prone to making decisions based on momentary feelings without considering future consequences of the decision.

Your mood can also interfere with making good decisions. Typically, we tend to be optimistic, believing that we are liked by others and that the future bodes well. Depression alters our tendency to be optimistic.

Depression leads to negative predictions about the future when you don't know the outcome. For instance, if someone asks you to go to a party, you may decide not to go because you believe that you won't enjoy it. In reality, you would have to go to the party to determine whether you would enjoy it, but your prediction causes you to remain at home.

Another example would be that you are invited to a party and you decide not to go because you believe that others would not like you or, worse, you would cause others at the party to become depressed if they were exposed to you.

Negative predictions can feel safe. By making a negative prediction, you are emotionally girding yourself against being disappointed. But the party example also demonstrates a risk. If you go to the party, you may find that you have a good time, you may connect with someone and become friends...magic can happen if we interact with others. By staying home you limit the risk of disappointment, but also limit your pleasure and an opportunity to improve your mood.

Going to a party is only one, perhaps minor example of how decision-making can change when you are depressed or anxious. To check your decision-making, ask yourself the following:

Are my beliefs about this situation supported by facts or simply represent my feelings.
Am I able to make a prediction about a future event based on the information available to me?
Am I making assumptions about others' thoughts about me without knowing what they are thinking?
Am I limiting the possible outcomes this situation could produce?
Am I accurately assessing my ability to tolerate a negative outcome?

Our lives will be more pleasurable if we take risks, connect with others and move forward toward goals for self-improvement. Don't let negative predictions diminish you future.

Things not the Source of Happiness

2009-02-23T13:31:00.003-06:00

Happiness Study: Imagine No Possessions

United Press International 2009-02-09

Using money to achieve life experiences -- like eating out -- rather than material possessions leads to greater happiness, U.S. researchers found.

Ryan Howell of San Francisco State University said the study demonstrates experiential purchases result in increased well-being because they satisfy higher order needs, specifically the need for social connectedness and vitality -- a feeling of being alive. "Purchased experiences provide memory capital -- we don't tend to get bored of happy memories like we do with a material object."

Howell said study participants were asked to write reflections and answer questions about their recent purchases. Participants indicated that experiential purchases represented money better spent and greater happiness for both themselves and others.

The results also indicate that experiences produce more happiness regardless of the amount spent or the income of the consumer, Howell said.

The findings were presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual meeting in Tampa, Fla.

This study reminds us that we can foster happiness through a variety of experiences that do not require financial expense. Think of some activities that you could do that might benefit your mood.

Battling Depression and Anxiety

2009-02-15T12:01:00.001-06:00

The title I have chosen for this first entry is important. It captures the two focuses of this blog. First, the focus will be on delivering information on mood disorders. More importantly, I plan to assist you in battling your mood when your mood undermines the type of life you deserve.

It is a battle, maybe it would be better to say it is a war, since it is really a series of battles. And there are many fronts to this war. You must battle your negative thinking, your lack of energy, your fears, self-forgiveness, negative predictions of the future, and the list goes on and on.

Drug company's advertisements suggest this battle can be won by taking a pill. For most, this is a vast overstatement. Instead, drug therapy is just one weapon one can use in this battle. Don't become discouraged if one weapon fails to deliver the results you want! There are many tools you can use to improve your mood.

Research suggests (and common sense confirms) that the more weapons you have in this battle, the more likely you will be to have an improved mood.